Monday, 31 August 2009


I particularly like the word blog.
And blogger for that matter. Not for any reason you could possibly imagine. To give you a clue - other words I like are slack, bled and flock- see the connection yet?
Thought not....
I'll tell you then. They all have the letter 'L' in them.
Why do I like them?
Because I know that I'll always say them correctly.

You see I have this weird speech thing happened, I periodically and rather randomly put 'L's into words where they just don't belong. Sometimes the 'L' is an addition and sometimes it's a replacement for another letter. Occasionally it's not an 'L', it's another letter of the alphabet. I'll give you a few examples:

'Is L-Eastenders on yet?'
"That was a cross between a burp and a pliccup"
'Now, where are those clarrots... ?'
'I'm watching Blee Blee Cee Two...'
Look! It's a big blue-blottle!'
'I'm turning into a bloony! ... I mean loony.'
'I'll change the mirror flame'
'I can't see the big brutton, blutton, I mean button'

Get the picture?

Now I haven't had this affliction all my life, in fact it's quite recent really; I'd say just for a couple of years. It seems to amuse Paul rather more than I personally think it's funny and he's taken to writing my little 'blurpings' on scraps of paper, which now litter the house.
More recently he's been emailing my 'blurpings' to his kids, who also find them amusing. LIke father, like.... I suppose.
Blimey, does that make me a 'laughing stock'.
No I didn't say 'laughing slock' - I can write you know.

But that's not all. You'd think an 'L' impediment would be enough to burden some poor soul with, but no, sometimes I just get in a ridiculous muddle and say, well nonsensical things. You know the kind of thing.....
'Because some idiot did something idiotish'
'Don't do that... not that you did do anything, but if you did, don't...'
'Did I tell you I spoke to Kevin. That's not a question.'
'That's not even boring or funny.'

These next two need a little explanation or you may think me completely incoherent...
So, as described by Paul in email to his kids.....

Because she (that's me) so did NOT want to watch the hobbling scene from Misery, and because she has just watched the ceramic penguin scene from Misery, and then she reached for the remote so quickly when the hobbling scene came on that the remote was sent crashing to the floor.......
"Can you PICK UP MY PENGUIN... NOW! ... Aaaargh! ... Eeek!"

Discussing her (he's talking about me again) choice of a slightly smaller size of trouser, in response to my comment that I had been scared to take her out on a windy day in the other ones lest she got whipped to death by the excess fabric....
"I might billow like a klite."

Come to think of it, I quite often feel like I might billow like a klite.

1 comment:

  1. You should have started writing a long time ago!

    This is tlemendously funny!