Friday, 30 December 2011

Hospital Observations

Where the hell do random thoughts come from?

Yesterday I had a little excitement thrown into my dull as ditchwater hospital routine...They told me I could forego the dreaded bed bath and have a shower. Of sorts. When they say have a shower, what they actually mean is they transfer you to this flat waterproof bed and they pour water all over you from a shower that has practically no water pressure. So picture me on top of a giant blue lilo with sides, on top of a supermarket trolley and you're getting the picture. Anyway, off I went on said lilo to the wet room at the end of the corridor.

Once you've got used to baring your modesty to one and all (which let's face it, for us girls, is usually in childbirth), a lying down shower instead of a bed bath is pretty much a five star luxury. So I have my shower, flat on my back and the feeling of hot water running all over me and being able to wash my two week tangled hair was pretty damn good. Relaxed and good to go was how I felt.

So where on earth, when the nurse said she was popping out to grab some towels, did this come from.... I looked up to the ceiling, saw an air vent above me and into my head popped this... if a swarm of bees came through that vent, would I lie dead still, shut my eyes, cover my nose and mouth with my hand and hope they didn't attack me? ....OR... would I sit up slightly, reach out for the Emergency cord that, lying flat was just out of my reach, and risk them attacking me due to unexpected movements? You can see my dilemma. Play dead and hope for the best, or risk attack by moving and calling for help. It was very real you know.

But that's not all... the image of playing dead just led me straight on to this equally ridiculous scenario .....Shit, I thought, I'm lying here on a trolley (gurney or whatever you want to call it), complete with channel along the side of the matress part with outlets at the end to let the liquid escape (in this case water, but could be blood), in a white sterile room all on my own. I could be on a slab in the mortuary, waiting for the coroner while he sharpens his knives ready to perform the postmortem. It was very real; I was there, on that cold slab, just waiting for him to make his entrance, for more than a few moments, I can tell you.

When the nurse came back in I actually heard myself say the words "I'm so glad you're back, it's really scary in here". God knows what she must have thought.

I want to know what the heck leads to these totally random thoughts that just pop into my head from nowhere, just when I'm feeling pretty damn laid back.

Tell me the truth - am I just really weird?

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