Yes nurse, that is a potato peeler on my bedside table and yes, I do need it.

All the nurses are laughing at me 'cos I am in hospital with a potato peeler on my bedside table.
Of course I've got potato peeler by my bed.
Why? I would have thought it was bleedin' obvious?
Hospital sandwiches are lean, mean machines. No trimmings.
A ham sandwich is a ham sandwich.
I need cucumber in my sandwich, so Paul brings me cucumber (and a bonus of some nice cherry tomatoes).
You need my cucumber to go in the fridge (Health &Safety regulations).
Your fridge is too cold (H&S regs), so my cucumber freezes.
I need to peel frozen skin off my cucumber to put in my ham sandwich.
Your knives are all blunt (H&S so I don't injure or kill myself?).
Paul brings me in sharp knife from home.
You promptly confiscate said sharp knife (H&S regs). Paul brings me in potato peeler.
Simples? No? Let me say it again in one sentence:
Peeler on my bedside table, to peel frozen cucumber, in your too cold fridge, 'cos your knives are all blunt and you confiscated my sharp knife.
Not funny now, is it?

Just got to figure out how to slice the damn peeled cucumber.
Wonder if they allow razor blades.